WHO BY DROWNING

Yom Kippur. The Day of Atonement.
When it is finally decided Who Shall Die by Fire.
And Who by Stoning.
Who by Drowning. And Who by Snakes.
Who by Thirst. And Who by Earthquake.

And who shall die by all the rest.

You imagine that Book of Life so heavy
it should be falling down right now from the sky
through the flimsy clouds. Right out of God’s hands
through the roof of the Elmer shul, the little wooden house of prayer
on this Day of Awe, not sure exactly what Awe should feel like.

If someone has to perish, you know it should be you.
So you think fast to God in your head
while the people around you mumble their prayers.
You hurry your pleas, so they’ll get there before
God starts with whatever pen he uses, black ink probably,
to inscribe The Decrees. Please don’t make my parents suffer more.
They don’t deserve any Decree except Life.
You picture the slimy snakes curled up at the bottom of the cesspool,
close your eyes tight and continue.
I’ll even die in a snake pit if it means saving them.

You have the feeling maybe you aren’t supposed to be
making deals with God. Then you remember
the Torah is full of them.
For ten righteous ones, I will save an entire village,
God said then bargained down,
promising to do it for just one righteous man.
And what about a lamb on an altar
traded for a son?

You decide that compared to snakes,
the other Decrees aren’t so bad.
You hope God will be merciful if it’s wrong
to make deals. It is after all The Season of Forgiveness.
God would probably forgive anyone who is really sorry.

Your parents probably won’t pray for themselves.
They believe they’ve been saved too many times.
If they do dare ask to be kept alive it will be because
their children need them.
If the dead can pray, then your dead grandmothers
and dead grandfathers are all pleading at God’s elbow
that their daughter Esther and their son Aharon (his real name) be spared.

The hour of Ne’ilah comes. The closing prayers
just before the heavy sun sets on each Jew’s destiny.
A last-minute chance to avert judgment before
The Book of Life is sealed. You keep praying
hard and loud as you can without moving or making a sound.
When Ne’ilah is finished,
there’s nothing left for you to do
but listen for The Book to close.

In the morning, you ride your bike fast into the wind,
wondering if you did enough to protect your parents.
To avert The Severe Decrees.